Skip to main content

How to handle jealousy and other common insecurities in relationships

Everyone feels insecure from time to time, and, more often than we’d like, those insecurities present themselves in our relationships. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself, there may always be a little voice in the back of your head reminding you of uncertainties that undermine your confidence.

No matter what your insecurities may be, they can snowball, eventually becoming large enough to add tension to your relationship. While it’s completely normal to feel this way, it doesn’t have to take control of your life or your relationships. Keep reading to learn how you can overcome some common insecurities and practice empathetic and compassionate communication in your relationships.

Dissatisfied couple after an argument
Alex Green/Pexels

Don’t blame yourself

Insecurities can fog your head, convincing you that everything is your fault. Compounding shame and blame with uncertainty will only make you feel worse.

Instead, ditch the defense mechanisms and try to face your perceived shortcomings with an open mind. Take stock of what events trigger your these feelings in your relationship, like irregular communication or a lack of quality time, for example. Sometimes outside influences, like instability at work or trouble with friendships, can also manifest in your relationships. Having an honest conversation with yourself to evaluate your self-perception can help you confront your insecurities at a deeper source.

Talk to your partner

Communication is the simplest, but oftentimes the hardest, key to managing insecurity in a relationship. Tell your partner when you feel uncertain and encourage them to do the same. Creating this safe space between you opens the opportunity to discuss your worries honestly and with kindness and empathy.

While being vulnerable can be extraordinarily difficult, it will go a long way in preventing conflict. It’s crucial to be transparent about what’s bothering you and why. This will ensure you see the situation from each other’s perspective and learn to compromise before it’s too late.

Hone your coping methods

Getting over your insecurities is a long process, so don’t pressure yourself to move on or confront issues before you’re mentally prepared. Be patient, and give yourself adequate time to process and talk about your feelings. Intense emotions often cause us to act out, making choices that we regret later. When you feel yourself getting upset, take a walk, express your feelings through art, music, or writing. Take some time to do something you find soothing. Then, you’ll be in a better headspace to discuss your thoughts and feelings.

Focus on your positive qualities

Nobody becomes a master of confidence and self-love overnight. We all have to start somewhere, and these simple exercises are a great place to begin.

  • Look at yourself in a mirror and say out loud the qualities you admire about yourself
  • Make a list of five things you love about yourself, so you have it on hand to re-read every time you begin to feel insecure
  • Adopt a mantra such as, “I am at peace with myself as I am and the world as it is,” to build self-acceptance

Over time, you’ll boost your confidence, and little by little those insecurities will become minor annoyances instead of insurmountable problems. This can translate to your relationship, too: If you see yourself as the total package, your partner will too.

Couple looking in opposite directions
Anna Shvets/Pexels

Don’t compare

Comparing yourself to others is a one-way ticket to self-doubt and insecurity. While this is easier said than done, there are a few steps you can take to practice self-love and learn to appreciate the beauty in others without feeling less about yourself.

Try taking a break from social media—limiting your screen time will give you the opportunity to reset your expectations for yourself and your relationship. Most importantly, your new expectations will be based on what you actually want, not how you compare to others. Keep in mind that people only reveal the best versions of themselves in social media. Taking some time away from social media will ensure you aren’t comparing your everyday highs and lows to others’ hand-picked best moments.

Talk to a professional

It’s never a bad idea to ask for help. If you’ve used the tips above and still don’t feel better, consider talking to a therapist or life coach. With their help, you can set goals and create strategies to manage these feelings. Plus, having the assistance of an impartial third party can help you to see things clearly, encouraging you to find connections and draw conclusions that you may have missed otherwise.

Being insecure every so often is completely normal. But, when your jealousy and insecurity threaten your relationships, it’s time to take action. Remember: All good relationships are built on respect, communication, commitment, and love. Talk to your partner and ask for their support. With this solid foundation, your insecurities don’t stand a chance.

BlissMark provides information regarding health, wellness, and beauty. The information within this article is not intended to be medical advice. Before starting any diet or exercise routine, consult your physician. If you don’t have a primary care physician, the United States Health & Human Services department has a free online tool that can help you locate a clinic in your area. We are not medical professionals, have not verified or vetted any programs, and in no way intend our content to be anything more than informative and inspiring.

Editors' Recommendations

Shannon Cooper
Freelance writer
Shannon Cooper has written about everything from pet care and travel to finance and plumbing in her seven years as a writer…
Feeling jealous in your relationship? Here’s how to fix it
jealousy relationship issues couple man jealous

Jealousy in a relationship: Easy come but not always easy go. Excessive jealousy is one of the quickest ways to bring down even the strongest partnerships. Let's be clear, though. Jealousy in small amounts is very common, and the conflict can often be resolved through open communication, making the relationship even stronger in the long run.

Nevertheless, when jealousy is more than just a fleeting emotion, it can pose substantial problems to both partners. So where, specifically, does jealousy come from? And most importantly, what can we do to better understand it?

Read more
How to avoid clashing with your partner during a stressful move
moving relationship stress partner couple serene

Moving is unenjoyable. It’s hard work, the hours are long, and the stakes are high (ask anyone who’s ever dropped a priceless vase on their foot). Basically, no one wants to be there, and that includes you and your partner, too.

The stress of moving can create friction in the most stable of relationships. With so much happening at once and with a lot of heavy furniture floating around, it's almost as if everyone is one stubbed toe short of a meltdown. Moving is one of those necessary evils in life, but it doesn’t have to cause problems in your relationship. Here’s how to stay centered while you keep it moving.

Read more
How to deal with narcissistic parents effectively
Narcissist woman

When we think of narcissism, many of us think of the Greek namesake, Narcissus, a mythological man who fell so deeply in love with his own reflection that he couldn't love anyone else. While this is a very dramatic tale, for those who suffer from a narcissistic personality disorder or love someone who does, the reality isn't quite as poetic.

According to experts, narcissists are extremely insecure, and this often manifests in behavior and communication that lacks empathy. If the narcissist has children, this type of behavior can impart mental trauma to them, including PTSD, nightmares, anxiety, and guilt.

Read more