How to keep jealousy from ruining your relationship

A little bit of jealousy is entirely normal in relationships. This is natural, especially if you feel strongly about your partner. However, when these feelings get out of hand, it can do lasting harm to your relationship. But it doesn’t have to be this way — if you’re wondering how to get over jealousy problems in a relationship, keep reading!

Woman looking at partner's phone over her shoulder
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Find the source

Jealousy doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. Often it is caused by insecurity, past relationship patterns, or fear. Once you know more about what causes it, you can figure out how to face it. One fear that underlies jealousy is the concern that your partner finds others more attractive, interesting, or funnier than you. Instead of directing your energy at your partner, have an open discussion with your partner about your past experiences and anxieties. Together, you can develop ways to give each other the affirmation and validation that you both need.

Communicate

When dealing with jealousy, communication with your partner is vital. If their actions trigger your jealousy, let them know as soon as the feeling emerges. Your partner may not have even noticed this behavior or not realized how much it impacts you. It can be nerve-wracking to bring up your jealous feelings. But it is much healthier to discuss them now, instead of letting it build, resulting in a larger conflict.

During your chat, try to remain calm and honest. It can be scary to open your heart to your partner, but it’s the only way to build a strong relationship. Remember that you two chose to love each other, and that means accepting the risks of negative emotions like jealousy, too.

Try not to act on your feelings

When you begin feeling jealous, take a deep breath and consider the bigger picture. Rage can put blinders on your vision, not allowing yourself to consider perspectives other than your own. Accept your feelings, they’re valid! But don’t let them consume you. When you feel jealously arising, take a walk, listen to music, or engage in other coping exercises. It’s easier and healthier to start a conversation when you’re no longer angry.

Couple having an argument
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Healing

As we mentioned before, one main source of jealousy is insecurity. If this is the case, try to heal at the source, and engage in practices that increase your self-esteem. Write a list of things you love about yourself or speak affirmations in the mirror. Pick up an old hobby or set up a photoshoot for yourself. Self-love and admiration are crucial to maintaining confidence in your relationship.

Remember that sometimes, jealousy is just a fear of losing what you love. Set aside time for introspection, so you can understand the roots and triggers of your jealousy and start the healing process. If you fear your partner is more interested in someone else, whether platonically or romantically, have a frank and honest conversation with them. However, make sure you also have a frank and honest conversation with yourself to think through ways to not project your insecurities onto a relationship.

See a therapist

Coping with jealous feelings on your own can be a challenge. It’s never a bad idea to ask for help, especially from a licensed professional. Talking to a therapist can help you address your past wounds and learn new practices and methods to handle negative emotions when they appear. If jealousy interrupts your everyday life, leads to obsessive thoughts, or triggers problematic behavior, it may be time to seek professional assistance.

Jealousy in relationships is so common, it’s almost expected. But while an occasional jealous thought may be more than normal, things can change when your envy takes over completely. You may inadvertently hurt your partner and your relationship if you let this jealousy get out of control. Take control of your jealousy and, with the tips above, you can learn how to overcome your negative emotions and make your relationship even stronger than before.

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