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Why getting over a crush is so hard — and how to move on quickly

Dannielle Beardsley
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Your heart starts to race. You start to feel that sweat forming on your lower back. You can feel your pulse thumping. All of this because your crush walked into the room. When you were a kid it was the person you sat next to in class. As an adult, it’s the cute person in the office or the adorable barista at your local coffee shop.

Having a crush can be healthy. But when that crush negatively affects your life, it needs to be addressed. Getting over a crush won’t be the most fun thing on your to-do list, but with our helpful tips, we can make it move along a little faster.

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A man and woman looking at each other with only their eyes sideways while giving each other a little smile.

How to know it’s a crush

There are a few boxes to check to see if it’s a crush.

  • You can’t stop fantasizing about them
  • You can’t speak around them
  • Everything about them is amazing
  • You arrange your day to talk/text/try to see them

These feelings are normally intense for a few weeks and then pass. It can get into tricky territory if it’s been months and nothing has been reciprocated and your feelings haven’t calmed down.

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When it becomes a problem

  • When it’s one-sided
  • If the crush itself becomes harmful to any person
  • When it affects your day to day life

Most crushes are harmless and even entertaining. But if you find your day and attitude being dependent on if this person talks to you or not, it’s time to ask yourself if the crush is healthy for you.

If you are late for work, aren’t keeping up with your daily chores, or find yourself not interested in your real-life relationships, your crush isn’t a positive part of your life.

Why you should kill that crush

One of you is in a relationship

Relationships get in ruts. It’s easy to build up a fantasy about the cute personal trainer at the gym or the new person at work. But easily developing feelings for someone you just met when you are in a relationship could lead to a bigger problem. The crush is an escape fantasy, not a healthy start to a relationship.

One of you doesn’t feel that way about the other

Relationships are two-way streets. If you have a crush on someone and you tell them and they don’t feel the same way, it’s time to move on. Making someone uncomfortable is never the way to go.

A man and women facing each other looking like they are flirting with each other.

How to squash that crush

We will all have a crush on someone at some point. But what if you don’t want to have a crush? There are some things you can do to get over it.

Address the crush

Don’t try to hide your feelings. Anytime you hide what you’re feeling it always bubbles back up stronger and more intensely.

If you can, get to know that person

A crush is a built-up ideal of a person. Once you get to know them they become more real. You start to see flaws, negative traits, and other aspects that make them a person and not an idea of a person. And sometimes you don’t like what you find out and that helps you get over the crush quickly.

Busy hands keep everyone out of trouble

Find other things to do. Make a list of the things and people you’ve pushed to the side and get back in it. Filling your days with distractions will take your mind off of that person. Pick up extra shifts at work, volunteer, or catch up on that Netflix queue.

Lean on your friends

Talk about this person all you want to your closest friends. The more you talk about your crush the more you can figure out if the feelings are real or not.

Don’t be a stranger

Another great way to stamp out that crush is to see how many other people you connect with. Find other people you are attracted to and talk to them. The more people on your mind, the less time you have to concern yourself with one specific person romantically. Meeting other people will allow you to see that one crush isn’t all that’s out there.

Block them on all social media

This might seem extreme. But if you spend your time checking their social media all day, the way to stop that is to block them off completely. No temptation!

Let it all out

When you feel like you are finally over it and realize it was just a crush, you need to let your emotions out. If it makes you sad, have a good cry about it. Be upset. Watch sappy movies. You have the right to grieve for your feelings.

Single, married, famous, or not — we all develop crushes. They are a way to escape from a boring part of your day or to spice up your weekly catch-up with your friends. But knowing when a crush is turning into something that could be made into a Lifetime movie of the week is important. That line between a fun fantasy and a scary story is a tightrope.

If you find your crush feels the same, then go for it and have the best time seeing where it leads. But, if you start to get the feeling you could be on the show You, it’s time to take the rose-colored glasses off and see what’s really going on. It’s hard to see your crush as an average person after you’ve built them up. Try our tips to take your crush off that pedastel so your life can get back on track

BlissMark provides information regarding health, wellness, and beauty. The information within this article is not intended to be medical advice. Before starting any diet or exercise routine, consult your physician. If you don’t have a primary care physician, the United States Health & Human Services department has a free online tool that can help you locate a clinic in your area. We are not medical professionals, have not verified or vetted any programs, and in no way intend our content to be anything more than informative and inspiring.

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